


Every Masterpiece I'd Write Again

by redlionboys



Series: Brand New [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Angst, Forgive Me, I APOLOGIZE, M/M, Memory Loss, What Have I Done, Why do I do this to myself, hunk and pidge are good friends, i swear i love him, poor little lance, really really sad gay shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9819653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlionboys/pseuds/redlionboys
Summary: Keith woke up in a hospital bed at 8:34 Friday morning. By 8:35, he realized three things: he didn't remember how he got there, he didn't recognize the man next to him who says he's his brother, and he didn't remember who he was.Over the course of the week, so much shit happened that left Keith with a million questions.Who was he in the past?Is this Shiro guy really his brother?Who were these people who claim to be his best friends?And who the hell is Lance and why did he try to kiss him?Title creds- Dearly Departed by Marianas Trench, possibly the best band ever but I digress





	1. There's Nothing Here Familiar Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe it was his smile. No, wait, it was his eyes. Or was it his dimple? Keith couldn't remember. In fact, he couldn't remember anything about him at all. He just knew he was in love with him.

"What do you remember?" 

 

Keith stared at the blank wall, his hands wrapped around a small plastic cup of Gatorade. "I told you already."

 

The dark haired man who claimed he was Keith's brother sighed. "Keith..."

 

"What do you want me to say?" Keith said angrily, setting the cup down on the metal tray to his right. "I don't... I don't know."

 

"Do you remember my name?" The man asked gently, folding his hands on his knees. 

 

Keith shook his head. "I'm sorry."

 

"It's okay," the man said. "You've always called me Shiro."

 

A small pang of recognition sparked in Keith's head but quickly diminished. He cursed himself mentally. The metal springs in the hospital bed dug into his back and he readjusted with a grimace.

 

"What do you remember?" Shiro asked.

 

Keith took a minute to respond. "Weird things. I remember a red stuffed cat and sheets with spaceships. I remember big glasses and someone who always smelled like butter cookies. But..." He looked away. 

 

"But?" Shiro prompted. 

 

Keith scrunched his face up. "There's someone I keep... I don't know what it is. He- he's something important, I know it."

 

Shiro looked like he wanted to say something but closed his mouth tightly. "What do you remember about yourself?"

 

"My name is Keith, I'm 23, I think. I went to high school at the Garrison Academy but I don't know if I went to college. I liked to drink Cuban coffee, which is something weird to remember, I know. But that's it." 

 

"Cuban coffee?" Shiro said, frowning. "You don't remember why?"

 

Keith shook his head. "It goes along with the boy... I just don't know," he said miserably, covering his face. "When do I get out of here? I don't like this."

 

"I'm not sure," said Shiro, "I'll ask your doctor."

 

"Thank you," Keith said. 

 

Shiro looked at his phone. "Keith... uh, some of your friends want to come see you. Is that going to be okay, or too much?"

 

"I guess," Keith said, reaching for the Gatorade again. "I just don't want them to be upset if I don't recognize them."

 

"They know what happened, they'll understand," Shiro reassured him. Keith nodded thankfully and Shiro stood up, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

 

"I'll go get them."

 

Keith watched him exit, closing the heavy door behind him. He let out a long sigh and chugged the remainder of what was in his cup and threw it in the bin next to his bed. This was so strange. He knew he got in an accident. How, he didn't know. All Keith knew was that he woke up yesterday morning in a stiff hospital bed with wires coming out of his body in unnatural places, not remembering anything but his name. 

 

Small things were gradually coming back, but it seemed that the important things were either going to take longer, or just never reappear. And that was terrifying. 

 

He heard the door open before he saw it. A small person wearing a green crop top and a cargo skirt walked in. Their face was younger, framed by a caramel pixie cut and thin, wide glasses. 

 

"Your glasses," he said loudly, sitting up quickly. "I know your glasses."

 

They just stared at him. "What?"

 

"I remember your glasses," Keith explained. "I don't know why, but it's one of the only things I do."

 

"Oh," the kid replied. "I'm Pidge, by the way. That sounds so weird to say, but um, yeah." 

 

"Hi," Keith said awkwardly, waving a little. "Um, how did we meet?" 

 

Pidge entered the room fully and sat down in one of the chairs. "I should probably wait for Hunk. He'll be here in a minute."

 

The two sat in silence for a few moments. Eventually, a tall, broad man entered the room with one of the friendliest faces Keith had ever seen. He immediately rushed to Keith’s side and enveloped him in an awkward hug on the hospital bed. The smell of cookies wafted into Keith’s nose and his back went straight like a rod. 

 

“Oh gosh,” the man said, pulling away. “That was probably so weird for you. I’m Hunk. Uh, how are you?”

 

“You smell like cookies,” Keith said, his eyebrows bunched together. “I know you, don’t I?”

 

Pidge and Hunk exchanged a pained look. “Uh, yeah. Both of us,” Hunk said, moving to sit down in another chair. “We’re your best friends.”

 

“Oh,” Keith said, voice small. “So, uh, how did we meet?”

 

“High school,” Pidge said, crossing their legs. “I was a sophomore and you and Hunk were seniors. Hunk was friends with Lance and-”

 

“Who’s Lance?” Keith interrupted. Pidge and Hunk froze. 

 

“Lance,” Hunk said slowly. “You know…”

 

“I don’t,” Keith said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry but I don’t know him.”

 

Pidge’s bottom lip quivered. “Hunk-”

 

“Shiro said we couldn’t mess with his healing process,” Hunk said softly. 

 

Keith looked back and forth between them. “You guys know I’m here, right? Who’s this Lance guy?” Both of them looked down and didn’t respond. “Is he another one of my friends or something?” Keith pressed. 

 

“He’s flying down as fast as he can,” Pidge said, obviously avoiding the questions. “He was in Florida when everything happened. He should be here in a few hours.”

 

“You mean the accident?” Keith asked, turning on his side. Pidge nodded. 

 

“Lance is a good guy,” Hunk said, voice shaking. “He’s a really good guy.”

 

“His coffee is the best,” Pidge added. “That little Cuban boy won we over with his-”

 

“Cuban?” Keith spurted. “Cuban coffee?” 

 

They looked at him weirdly. “Uh, yeah. Lance is Cuban. Is everything okay?”

 

Keith started breathing erratically, panic seizing his chest. He keeled over, his head pounding. Pidge shouted somewhere near his left but everything swam and he couldn’t comprehend it all at once. Something in his chest hurt and he let out a strangled cough. Thousands of memories flew through his mind but he couldn’t catch any of them. Letting out a scream, he dropped and everything went dark. 

  
  
  


“Sir, he’s in a stable condition, but-”

 

“Then why can’t I see him, huh? Let me into the goddamn room.”

 

“Sir, he’s not-”

 

“I don’t fucking care!”

 

Keith blinked his eyes open, his vision bleary but quickly becoming more focused. Something plastic crinkled against his wrist as he rolled them. An IV. He groaned, arching his back but gasping when a jolt of pain ran down his spine. 

 

“Keith?” The voice of the man who sounded so angry hit Keith’s ears. “Keith, oh my god, baby-”

 

“Sir-”

 

“I need to see him now.  _ Now _ .”

 

Keith cleared his throat, looking over to his left to see his doctor holding back a tall, lanky man with a boyish, yet handsome face. He looked ragged, dark circles under his eyes and a wrinkled baseball shirt clinging to his torso. Keith blinked. He felt like he should know who this was, but his memory failed him again. 

 

“I’m fine, doc,” Keith said, sitting up. “I’m not a child.”

 

“Keith, are you sure?” 

 

“Yeah, doc, I’m okay,” Keith repeated. The doctor grimaced and reluctantly let go of the man. He surged forward, gripping the arms of the hospital bed, blue eyes boring into Keith’s skull. His skin was a warm brown and he smelled like… like  _ home _ . 

“Lance?” Keith asked, figuring this was the guy Pidge and Hunk were talking about. 

 

The blue eyes widened. “You- oh my god, baby, Shiro told me-  _ dios _ , I don’t care.” Without warning, the man gently grabbed Keith’s jaw and brought their lips together. Keith’s eyes widened at the contact, but it didn’t feel… wrong. It was the only thing that had felt right since he’d woken up. But he didn’t know this guy, this  _ Lance _ , so he pushed him away. 

 

“Who the hell are you?” Keith spat, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Lance’s mouth dropped open and a look of pure pain crossed his face. His handsome features twisted into a face that looked absolutely, udderly,  _ broken _ . 

 

“You…” Lance’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he continued. “Keith, baby-”

 

“Don’t call me baby!” Keith shouted, inching away from the other man. “Who the fuck are you, thinking you can just come in here and fucking kiss me? What the hell is wrong with you, man?” 

 

“You mean… you don’t recognize me?” 

 

“Lance, we meant to tell you,” Pidge said, them and Hunk entering the room. “It’s… bad.”

 

Lance looked at Keith. In two seconds he was on the floor, hands pressed to his eyes and  _ sobbing _ . Pidge went down and put their arm around his shoulders, muttering something into his ear. Keith stared. 

 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Keith supplied, hoping he would stop crying, but the man didn't stop. “I just don’t know who you are.”


	2. But Nobody Said That This Was Gonna Be Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith needs to learn himself again before moving onto Lance. 
> 
> Lance is convinced that he can make Keith love him again. 
> 
> Pidge is a mess. 
> 
> Hunk's a sweetheart. 
> 
> Allura and Shiro are angels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, there's five chapters in this, but the fifth one will be like an epilogue type thing after all the shit goes down. So sit back, enjoy some angst, and get ready because the show's only just begun.

“So what do we do now?”

 

Keith kept his eyes closed at the two men talked, pretending to be asleep. Lance had walked in with Shiro and, thinking Keith was asleep, began talking. 

 

“The doctor said that letting him figure out things on his own is the best way to go,” said Shiro. “We cannot force anything on him. I know it’s terrible right now, especially for you, but there isn’t much we can do.”

 

“Where’s he going to go home to?” Lance asked, voice just above a croak. 

 

“I’ll take him home with me and Allura,” Shiro replied. Keith heard him sit down, the chair creaking. “Lance, I know that this hurts, and it will for a while, but we have to pull through, okay? For Keith.”

 

“For Keith,” Lance echoed. “I just don’t know how to… how to  _ not  _ be like we were. He’s everything to me now, or he was… I don’t know. I can’t just… acting like I don’t know him is too much for me. Did the doctor say when he should fully recover?”

 

“They’re…” Shiro paused. “They’re not sure if he will. There was serious tissue damage and they don’t know how far back things started.”

 

“And if he doesn’t ever remember?”

 

“Lance....”

 

Keith thought that was a good time to ‘wake up’. 

 

“Shiro,” he muttered, trying to sound sleepy. “Is that you?” He blinked his eyes open. Lance was standing over him with concern in his eyes. He looked cute with his little baseball shirt, but he still had bags under his eyes and his nose looked red. 

 

“How are you?” he asked. 

 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Fine, I guess.” 

 

Lance didn’t move from his position. “Do you need anything? Water? Heating pad?”

 

“No, I’m fine,” said Keith, albeit awkwardly. The other man finally moved away and resorted to pacing at the end of Keith’s bed, chewing on his nails. Something about the habit felt familiar, and once again Keith felt the emptiness. He felt the memories he lost. He just couldn’t  _ remember  _ them. 

 

“Keith, the doctor says you’re good to go once they get all these hooks off you,” Shiro said, approaching the side of the bed. 

 

“Shiro,” Keith said suddenly, “our parents’ names are Nari and Ara.”

 

Shiro looked shocked. “Yeah, they are. What else do you remember?”

 

“A red swing,” Keith said, screwing up his features in focus, “an old white house with its paint peeling. Mom has short hair. Dad has a motorcycle.”

 

Shiro winced. “Mom grew out her hair and Dad sold the bike. Mom’s the only one still with us, actually.”

 

“Oh,” Keith whispered. A wave of memories hit him in the gut. “Your favorite food was always pizza and Mom hated that. I used to play tag with you and the kids in our neighborhood. The red cat I mentioned was my favorite stuffed animal.”

 

“His name was Red and you guys went on space adventures,” Lance said abruptly. His eyes widened when he realized what he had said. 

 

“How did you know?” asked Keith. 

 

“You’ve uh… told me before. That’s it.” Lance snapped, an unknown emotion clouding his expression. “I’m gonna go… uh, home now.”

 

Keith didn’t know what to do. Apparently he was in a relationship with this guy? Or he was interested in Keith and used his memory loss to finally make a move? A headache sprung in his head just thinking about it. “Um, goodbye, I guess.”

 

Lance gave him a small wave, then turned to Shiro. His fingers consistently rubbed a ring on his left hand, another habit that made Keith feel sick. “I’ll call you,” Lance said to Shiro. The man shot one more look at Keith and walked out, rubbing his forehead. 

 

Keith turned to Shiro. “What’s with me and him?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said, a pained look on his face. “This is something you need to figure out on your own. I wish I could help, but interfering at this point wouldn’t be good.”

 

“I understand, I just don’t like it,” Keith said sourly. His brother just laughed and clamped a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“I’m going to go get the doctor so we can leave. Do you remember Allura?”

 

“Your wife, yeah,” Keith answered, rubbing his shoulder. “Am I going to your guys’ place?”

 

“Yeah, the guest room is all yours.”

 

“Where did I live?” asked Keith suddenly, meeting Shiro’s gaze. 

 

Shiro looked uncomfortable. “You had a small house with your… roommate, but we’ll get you situated back there once you get better.”

 

The answer was too vague for Keith’s liking, but he nodded anyway, knowing that he wasn’t getting anything out of his brother soon. He watched as Shiro left, the door closing quietly behind him. Dropping his head back on the pillow and groaning loudly, Keith finally thought over everything that had happened in the past days.

 

_ When the planes hit, he was sure he was dead. He felt like it. White spots danced behind his eyelids and he felt a burning hole in his chest. This is it. This is how he’s going out. He felt a spark of pain in his lower abdomen and cried out, twisting to the side. Bleary eyes blinked open to see his hand, covered in blood. Memories were already slipping away, the pounding in his head making him tired and was too much for him to think.  _

 

_ He opened his eyes one last time to stare at the ring on his finger, glinting blue in the light of the fires. He smiled, or as good as he could with a battered face. All of his thoughts were about that man. Maybe it was his smile. No, wait, it was his eyes. Or was it his dimple? Keith couldn't remember. In fact, he couldn't remember anything about him at all. He just knew he was in love with him.  _

 

Keith came to, shaking his head.  _ Where did that come from _ ? The clock to the right of the bed hit noon.  _ Shiro should’ve been back by now _ , Keith thought. He checked to make sure he wasn’t still hooked up to an IV and slid his legs over the edge of the bed. The tile was cold against his feet as he trudged over to a pair of slippers, the hospital gown falling off his shoulder to reveal a carved collarbone. 

 

That’s when Keith realized that he had forgotten what he looked like. 

 

He knew he had dark hair. He knew he was Korean. But other than that, he had no idea. Thinking quickly, he left the room and walked into the hallway towards the sign that directed to the restrooms. Smiling awkwardly to a nurse walking by, he slipped into the men’s room and locked the door behind him. Biting his lip and sighing, he faced the mirror with closed eyes, afraid to see himself. 

 

_ Just breathe, _ Keith thought,  _ breathe and you’ll be fine _ . A million thoughts and fears raced through his head but he ignored them for just long enough to blink open his eyes and just stare.

 

He did indeed have dark hair, that of which was longer in the back, curling up at the nape of his neck. Deep grey eyes were wide in the mirror and he blinked once to make sure that they were his. Keith scanned over his face, memorizing every pore and feature, making sure to never forget them again. He lifted a hand to his face and let his fingers gently graze over his nose, down to his cupid’s bow and then lastly to his mouth. It felt strange. 

 

Snapping out of his dazed stupor, Keith coughed and went to unlock the door, not before shooting one last look at the mirror. Okay, he was hot. No wonder Lance tried to kiss him. 

 

The hallway was empty as he wandered back to his room. It smelled like alcohol wipes and sterile clothes. Keith shuddered. He hated hospitals; he remembered that now. He could also see why. The door handle was cold in his hand as he pushed the door open, revealing a tense Shiro standing beside the bed, a bag in his hands. 

 

“There you are,” he said, face relaxing in relief. 

 

Keith scratched his neck awkwardly. “Had to take a piss.”

 

“I was worried for a second,” Shiro chuckled. He held the bag out to his brother. “I brought your clothes so you don’t have to wear that gown home.”

 

“Thank you,” said Keith as he accepted the bag. “Um, before I change… I had some questions. Ones I think are okay for you to answer?”

 

Shiro hesitated before replying, “Knock yourself out.” He winced. “Actually don’t do that, you’ve suffered enough trauma already, don’t actually knock yourself out.”

 

Keith laughed. “I’ll try not to. But what I wanted to ask was… I wasn’t in a car accident, was I?”

 

Shiro pulled his mouth into a thin line. “No, you weren’t.”

 

“It was a plane, wasn’t it? I’m a pilot?” Keith said. 

 

His brother tilted his head back and forth. “Yeah, but it’s not like…  _ normal  _ piloting.”

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

“You work for VLD, just like me, but you’re a pilot, I’m a supervisor. It’s kind of a…” he lowered his voice, “secret operative. Government stuff. You remember Pidge from yesterday?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Their brother and them are the heads of it all. There was a mishap during a trial run for new machinery that ended in that crash. VLD is paying for everything, but Pidge and Matt still feel guilty about it.” Shiro sighed. “We’ll talk more about it later, just get changed so we can go home. Allura is cooking up lunch as we speak so you’ll have a nice little welcome back feast.”

 

“Alright.” Keith figured that was all he was getting out of Shiro that day and left the room to change. Change, huh. 

 

He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. 

  
  


-

  
  


“Keith, darling!” Allura’s smile was bright enough to blind a man as she opened the door and gathered the man in question in a huge, warm hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

 

“British accent,” Keith squeaked out. She let him go and raised an eyebrow. 

 

“What?”

 

“You have a British accent. I forgot, I guess,” Keith said sheepishly. 

 

Allura let out a chuckle and ushered him in, kissing Shiro when he entered behind Keith. Their house was modernly decorated, with all grey and white furnishings, dark floors glossy beneath Keith’s boots. He turned around in a full circle, breathing in the scent of lavender and honey. This was a home, but it wasn’t his.

 

“Thank you for letting me stay here,” said Keith. Shiro slid off his shoes and placed them on the shoe rack as Allura practically floated past, her white sundress flowing behind her. 

 

“It’s no problem, Keith,” Shiro said. “You’re always welcome here.”

 

“Shiro, love, who’s going to feed the you-know-what?” Allura stage whispered, grabbing a baguette from the pantry. 

 

“Lance is taking care of it,” came the reply as Shiro walked further into the house.

 

“What’s the you-know-what?” Keith asked, taking his boots off and putting them nexts to Shiro’s. 

 

“Nothing, darling,” Allura said, opening a few drawers. “Would you like a drink?”

 

“Water’s good, please.” Keith pulled a chair out from the bar counter, sitting down carefully. The chair squeaked under his weight, but held. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

 

“Here, darling.” Allura passed him a medium sized glass of water with a straw. Keith nodded in thanks and began sipping the cool drink, gathering his thoughts. Watching Allura flit about the kitchen was calming in a strange way. 

 

“Who’s Lance?” Keith asked abruptly, almost making the woman drop a basket of bread. 

 

“What do you mean?” She said carefully. 

 

“He tried to kiss me. Did he have a crush on me or something? Or are we, like, together?” Keith swirled his straw around, shrugging. “Something just feels off when it comes to him.”

 

“Shiro told me to not interfere with anything,” Allura said, pulling her white hair back. “I’m sorry Keith, but you’ll figure it out, I’m sure. You’re very bright.”

 

“Should I ask him to hang out?” Keith wondered aloud. “Like, not a date, but just… to be friends, or something?”

 

“That’s up to you,” said Allura as she pointed at him with a knife. “His contact should be in your phone. Just uh, don’t be mad, but the conversations had to be cleared. The doctors were adamant about what you should be exposed to.” 

 

Keith frowned. “So I’ll never know what he was to me.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Allura said. “Lance is very understanding, and I can tell you now that he cares a lot about you. Just cut us all a little slack for having to be like this, please. It hurts us too.”

 

Keith nodded. “Alright. I’ll call him to see if we can go out tomorrow, for dinner or something. I think I need to relearn him.” He shook his head. “That sounds weird. But something is telling me that he’s the key to what I was before the accident.”

 

Allura smiled sadly at him. “Keith, you’re still the same person you were. You just have to slide back into your life. You have time to do that, and once you start getting back into things, your past will become clearer.”

 

“I have to hold onto that,” Keith said. “It’s all I got.”

 

“Wrong,” Allura tsked. “You have all of us. You’re not alone in this, Keith.” She placed a soft hand on his forearm. “We’re all here for you. Don’t hesitate to ask anything of us. I’m sure that it’s strange because you may not remember everything, but we do all love you.” She looked away sadly. “Some of us more than others.”

  
  


-

  
  


Keith tapped his leg, waiting for someone to pick up. The guest room was silent except for the Three rings passed before he heard a click and a groggy voice said, “Hello?”

 

“Hi, Lance, it’s uh, it’s Keith.”

 

“Keith?” The voice sounded more awake. Lance cleared his throat. “What’s up?”

 

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me tomorrow for dinner.” Keith cracked a knuckle. “Just to… catch up, I guess.”

 

“I’d really like that,” Lance replied eagerly. “The usual?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Oh shit, sorry. Uh, tell Shiro that we’re meeting at the diner. Is 7 good for you?”

 

“Yeah,” Keith answered, twisting the blanket beneath him into his fist. “Sounds good.”

 

“Okay…” Lance paused and made a sad noise that came across clouded over the phone. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Yep,” Keith quipped. “Bye then.”

 

“Goodbye, Keith,” Lance breathed, then hung up. 

 

Keith stared at the phone in his hand, a warm feeling unraveling in his stomach. It reminded him too much of a stupid middle school crush, which was terrible because he was a grown man. He groaned and threw himself onto the ground with a thump. 

 

He felt like he had a crush on Lance, but he had only met the guy twice. He was attractive, Keith admitted, but there wasn’t something overtly special about him. He just felt… right to Keith. 

 

Pretty much the only thing that did ever since he’d woken up?

 

So why was Keith so set on pushing him away?

 

-

 

“Lance, I know that everything is… crazy right now, but you gotta take care of yourself man. Your house is a mess, you smell like a frat house and you look like a homeless man who just woke up from sleeping in a dumpster.” Pidge looked up from the counter they were cleaning with sympathy in their eyes. “We’re all hurting, and I know since you guys were- I mean, are I guess- married, it’s different for you, but you have to get over it. It’s the only way he’ll get better.”

 

Lance groaned and rubbed his hands on his face. “He invited me to go to dinner with him tomorrow. How am I going to keep myself from doing something stupid. When it comes to Keith, everything is second nature to me; I don’t  _ think _ . Pidge, I love him.”

 

“I know, Lance,” they said, eyes sad. “We all know.”

 

“We just have to keep hoping,” Hunk piped up, ever the optimist. “The doctors said that it was likely he’d regain his memories, even if it took a while.”

 

“But what if everything falls apart? What if by the time he’s recovered, he doesn’t want me anymore since we had to be strangers for so long. We spent years on this relationship, I don’t want something like this to ruin it all.” Lance licked his lips and sighed, curling back into himself on the couch-  _ their  _ couch. Where him and Keith would watch movies and throw M&Ms and popcorn at each other. Where, after they first bought the place, they brought in their first piece of furniture and laid down to cuddle in their new home. Lance covered his mouth to muffle a sob. “Guys, I can’t do this.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Hunk said. “You can. We all can do this, I’m sure of it.”

 

“Lance, the statistics of him getting better are highly in favor as opposed to him never recovering. He’s already remembering stuff, slowly, sure, but he’s remembering nonetheless.” Pidge looked down at the rag they were holding and dropped it, cradling their face in a sudden bout of emotion. “This is all my fault. If I had just checked the waves, I could’ve-”

 

“Don’t,” Lance said firmly, holding out a hand. “Do not make this about you. It’s not your fault, it never will be, and we should focus on reality rather than trying to place blame. Keith wouldn’t want that, and neither do I.”

 

They looked down again, squeezing their eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I just can’t help but feel guilty about it all. What this is doing to you… it hurts.”

 

“I know,” Lance chuckled dryly. “I know it hurts, and it hurts a damn lot, but you’re right. I need to stop wallowing and get my act together. I have a date tomorrow.” Lance stood up and stretched, wincing at the tightness of his muscles. Padding over to the bathroom, he shot one more glance at Pidge, who had busied themselves with the rag again. “Pidge.”

 

They looked up with shining eyes. “Yeah?”

 

“You did everything you could,” he said softly, placing a hand on the door frame. “Please don’t think this was your fault.”

 

Pidge shook their head. “I don’t think I can do that, Lance.”

 

Lance sighed. “Please. For me, for Keith, for Matt, or just even for yourself.”

 

“I’ll try, and that’s the best I can give you.”

 

“Thank you.” Lance entered the bathroom and shut the door with a click. Locking it with a swift hand, he turned around and grabbed a washcloth, stopping before the mirror. He looked like a hot mess, with a gaunt face and tired eyes. Dragging fingers down his nose to his mouth, he shuddered. Tomorrow, he would see Keith again. It would be like their first date, even at the same place. Where the waiters knew their name and story. The secrets the cracked booths held. 

 

All he could think about was Keith. His eyes, his hair, his laugh, his stories, his bravery. Lance was but a small planet and Keith was the fucking sun. Without him, Lance kept falling into darkness, and he wasn’t sure if the light would ever come back. 

 

He knew going out with Keith was a bad idea. The waiters could say something, or Keith could have a fit again. There were so many things that had the potential to go wrong. But Lance was selfish, and he wanted Keith again; he  _ needed  _ Keith again. He was so dependent on the man, it was sad. 

 

With every ounce of his being, Lance loved Keith. He knew he always would, that nothing like this could stop it. Their relationship had saved him so many times, he began to lose count. Without it, he fell apart. 

 

Why did he do this to himself?

 

Exhaling loudly, Lance made a decision. 

 

If Keith didn’t ever remember, he was going to make sure that they would fall in love all over again.

  
  


 

 

 

 

[My tumblr hoes](http://goodbye-seeyouthen.tumblr.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah my tumblr is just a hot gay mess but check it out if ya want. OKay, peace out until next week
> 
> -Tay


	3. Don't Surface, Don't Surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith meets some people from his past, Lance freaks out and their diner date takes a emotional turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't too bad but the next one may make you cry i am sorry
> 
> Translations are underneath where they're spoken  
> pls help i am a spanish 4 student who just wants to live so if i did something wrong pls tell me thank

Keith wasn’t sure what made him come to the flower shop. He just did. The shop’s colored umbrella was fading from light exposure, and the paint was peeling. But he liked it; it felt like home. Pushing the door open, he heard a chime go off above his head, making him jump a little. 

 

“Keith, darling!” An old, tanned woman with beautiful eyes smiled warmly at him from before the yellow counter. “What’s my boy getting today?”

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Keith said awkwardly. She must’ve not known. While the woman looked at him strangely, a girl bust through the employee’s only door. She looked like someone, someone that Keith couldn’t…. Just....

 

“Ah, mama,” the girl said urgently, touching the older womans arm. “ _ Keith estaba en un accidente, _ _ ¿recuerdas? _ _ No creo que él sabe quienes somos _ .”

 

_ [Keith was in an accident, remember? I don’t think he knows who we are.] _

 

The old woman’s eyes widened. “Oy,  _ sí, sí _ .” She turned to Keith. “I’m Stefanie McClain. Lance’s mother. Do you remember Lance?”

 

“Yes… well, sort of. He came to visit me at the hospital,” said Keith, walking up to the counter. “But uh, I’m not sure where he fits in my past life.”

 

The girl’s eyes went sad. “ _ Mama, èl no sabe que Lance es su marido _ .” 

 

_ [Mom, he doesn’t know that Lance is his husband.] _

 

Stefanie’s face fell. “Ah, I see. This is my daughter Catherine, my little Catalina, and she is Lance’s sister.”

 

“Twin sister, actually. Older by three minutes,” Catherine said proudly, “You just call me Cat, by the way.”

 

“So we have met before?” Keith asked. 

 

She nodded. “Yeah, we have. But that’s okay, it’s nice to meet you again. What can we get you today, sir?” Her voice sounded like a tease, but Keith couldn’t quite tell. 

 

“I just… um, felt like I needed to come here,” he mumbled. “I guess I’m just figuring things out. Sorry to bother you guys.”

 

“You are no bother,” Stefanie scolded, shaking her finger. The gesture felt oddly familiar to Keith, but it usually wasn’t directed at him, he thought. “You can come here anytime you like.”

 

“Uh, thanks,” Keith said, lifting his hand in a little wave. “Bye, then.”

 

“Goodbye,  _ mijo _ .”

  
  


The city felt strange to Keith, like it was familiar but at the same time, it was something brand new. The streets looked well worn and everyone seemed to know everyone. He’d counted six people who greeted him with his name and over twenty who met his eyes and waved. His head spun.

 

Everything was so big around him and it made him sick. There was too much in his mind; between bits of memories coming back to thinking too hard about how he was going to get the rest. It felt like someone stole from him and he wasn’t getting it back any time soon. Keith realized he was scared. Of what; there were many options. 

 

He was scared that he didn’t remember Lance but knew he was important. He was scared that Lance could be someone meaningful. He was scared that he may not ever get his memories back. But most of all, he was scared that he was forgetting himself, and that he would never remember what he was.

Keith remembered one thing his mother told him; that if he was ever lost, love could bring him home. He never understood what she meant by that, or how it pertained to him in any way, but it struck somewhere in his mind enough that he remembered it. If only he could remember what he loved. 

 

He loved Shiro and Allura. He loved his parents. He loved Pidge like a younger sibling and Hunk like a friend, but… where did Lance fit in that? Keith knew that he wasn’t like his sibling, and he wasn’t just his friend, so what was he?

 

Suddenly, a terrifying thought crossed his mind. Matching rings flashing and the hopeless look in Lance’s eyes. The pity in Pidge and Hunk’s words. Shiro’s adamancy about Keith figuring out the truth on his own.

 

“Oh my god,” Keith said out loud, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. “Am I married to Lance?”

  
  


-

  
  


“Pidge, I don’t know what to wear,” Lance fretted, shuffling through his closet and making frustrated noises. Pidge sat on the edge of his bed, legs swinging back and forth and a juice box in their hand. 

 

They took a long sip before saying, “Lance, he’s not gonna care.”

 

“I care!” Lance cried indignantly, throwing his hands up. “This is one of his first impressions of me since the accident, I can’t blow this!”

 

“He didn’t care before, and he’s not gonna give a shit now,” Pidge said, finishing the juice box and crushing it in their fist. “When he gets his memory back, you’re both going to laugh about this, so don’t freak out too much, okay?”

 

“You sound so certain that he’s going to be fine,” Lance said, dropping to the floor and sitting with his legs crossed. “How?”

 

Pidge shrugged. “I have faith. He’s strong enough to keep pushing, I believe it, Hunk does, and so do Shiro and Allura. He’s already remembering things, and although they may not be about you yet, he’s getting there. You have to give it time, Lance.”

 

“I don’t have time!” Lance cried, dropping forward over himself dramatically. “Pidge, I love him. I can’t just… stay away from him or whatever. He means too much to me.”

 

“If he means that much,” they said, “you’ll give him time to get better. That’s what he needs right now; time and support. Be that for him until he remembers.”

 

“How do you know he will?”

 

Pidge shrugged. “Keith will get his memories back.”

 

Lance rubbed his forehead. “How can you say that with such confidence? What if he never remembers me, Pidge? How... how can I live knowing that my own husband doesn’t even know who I am?” He looked down at the ring on his finger and twisted. “I won’t be able to.”

  
  


-

  
  


The diner was mostly empty when Keith entered, his red coat suddenly too hot. He slid it off his shoulders and looked around for Lance. Only two table were occupied, one with an older couple and another with a small family. 

 

“Keith!” A tall waiter approached the dark haired man with a broad smile. “Lance is already at your guys’ table.”

 

“I…” Keith opened his mouth but didn’t quite know what to say.

 

The waiter groaned. “Shit, I forgot. Your memory thing.”

 

Keith nodded. “I’m sorry. Uh, what’s your name?”

 

“Just call me Thace,” the man said, grinning. “Let me help you to your table.”

 

The waiter led him through a back hallway and into a medium sized room that was all mirrors, small lights adorning the perimeter of the ceiling. Lance sat in a booth far in the corner, messing with his drink. 

 

“I’ll let you two talk for a minute, okay?” Thace said. “Is that good?”

 

Keith nodded. “Yeah, thanks.” He hesitantly walked over to the table and slid in the booth across from Lance, smiling awkwardly. The other man’s face lit up. Lance was wearing a nice blue collared shirt and his hair looked messy, but controlled. 

 

“Hey,” Lance smiled. “I got you your favorite, vanilla milkshake with honey.” Then the man winced. “Unless you don’t like that anymore. I can totally get you a new drink.”

 

“It’s fine,” Keith reassured him, “it sounds delicious.”

 

“Okay, good,” Lance said, grinning again. For a few seconds, it was silent, just them not really looking at each other, but not really focused on anyone else. In the distance people chattering and pots clanking could be heard, but in their little bubble of the extended room everything was muted. 

 

Keith took a long spoon and started to stir around his milkshake. “So… what do you do for work?” The question sounded awkward but he had to break the silence. 

 

Lance’s face lit up. “I’m a journalist for three different websites and a freelance writer on the side.” He paused then looked like he realized something. “A free _ lance _ writer.”

 

Keith snorted, eating a spoonful of milkshake. He was right, it was delicious. “Wow.”

 

“I can use all my old jokes and puns again and you won’t yell at me now,” Lance grinned, twirling his straw around. 

 

“I yell at you?” Keith asked with a tilt of his head. He wasn’t mean to Lance, right? Obviously not, if the man tried to kiss him, but still, the comment set something in Keith off. 

 

“Oh no, no, not like that.” Lance shook his hands vigorously. “You’re just often annoyed by my shitty puns, that came out wrong. We’re… on good terms, I guess.”

 

“Are we roommates?” said Keith. Maybe he could get some answers out of Lance if no one else would say anything. “Because that would explain why I can’t go back to my house.”

 

Lance’s eyes wouldn’t meet Keith’s. “In a sense, yes, I think? I’m really not supposed to talk about it.”

 

“Why?” Keith pressed. “It’s not hurting me or anything. I’m perfectly healthy.”

 

“The doctors say that a lot of small stuff will come back first,” Lance said, diverting Keith’s comments and questions. “They think that the more larger and important memories will come later. Something about it hitting the front of your brain as opposed to anywhere else.” He spread his hands out on the table. “Telling you the big stuff before you figure it all out can stunt or even stop that process. If you start to try and fill in your own ideas that aren’t accurate, they can stop the real ones from ever resurfacing. So, if I told you who I was to you, you’d come up with an image of me.” He gestured towards himself. “But maybe how you see me now isn’t what I was. Then there’s no chance of the truth ever coming back.”

 

“But it could trigger something, right?” Keith was grasping at straws at this point. He hated not knowing things, and something this pertinent being withheld from him was driving him to do stupid things. “Please… I just- I just need to know.”

 

Lance looked shattered at those words but quickly picked himself back up. “I’m sorry, Keith, I can’t tell you.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I wish I could do something, anything, but at this point, none of us know what will happen.”

 

Keith scoffed. “Yeah, well neither do I and I don’t think anyone here really understands the position I’m in because no one is showing empathy or anything so I’m just floundering here, okay?” His voice shook. “I’d forgotten what I looked like, Lance. Do you know how that feels?” He met Lance’s eyes, hoping he looked as miserable as he felt. “It feels like I’m not a person anymore. I’m just some… phantom, or wisp of someone who died.” Keith snapped his fingers. “That’s what I feel like. Like I died back in that crash and the person sitting in front of you is just a ghost.”

 

Lance’s mouth opened and closed several times before he set his hands on the table and stood up. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, grabbing his coat from the booth and tugging it on. “I can’t do this right now. Have a good evening, Keith.”

 

“Lance, wait-” Keith started to call but the man had already left, looking like there were tears in his eyes. He slumped back down into the seat and pulled his knees to his chest. Pressing his palms to his eyes, he counted to ten. 

 

Was it something he said? Why had Lance just left? Why did he want him to come back so much?

 

Keith dropped his forehead against the table and failed to hold in the flood of tears that lay behind his eyes. He felt so broken in that moment that it seemed he would never be whole again. The worst part was that he was almost positive Lance could put him back together.

 

-

  
  
  
  
  



	4. And I Feel So Damned Worthless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, uh, apologize in advance.

Lance couldn’t stop himself from crying while walking back to his apartment- their apartment. What Keith had said broke some sort of emotional dam inside him, and he knew if he had stayed any longer, he would’ve done something idiotic, as usual. 

 

He also couldn’t let Keith see him cry. But the Keith that was there at the diner wasn’t his Keith. Lance thought that maybe the reason those words affected him so much was that he agreed with them. Keith did seem like a ghost. Was that all he would be to Lance now?

 

The apartment building was quickly approaching and Lance almost decided to turn back and run somewhere else, but the thought of just being home and sleeping his troubles away beat out the urge to run away. He entered the familiar glass doors and waved to the woman at the front desk halfheartedly. 

 

Lance took the stairs instead of the elevator just so it would take longer and so it would hurt. He wanted to hurt so much now, more than the pain his mind was already going through. But he got over that a long time ago, thanks to Keith. 

 

Keith. 

 

Lance choked back another sob behind his arm that he held against his mouth. He finally reached his level and got out, trudging down the hallway slowly before carefully unlocking apartment 5B. 

 

The room was stale and empty, and it felt foreign to Lance. He walked slowly into the room, turning the key over and over in his hand. Struggling out of his coat, he threw it on the couch and went to the kitchen for a drink. His shoes clacked against the smooth tile as he opened the cabinet and pulled out a glass. 

 

It was a whiskey kind of numb that Lance needed, so he grabbed a bottle of his finest and ditched the glass, hugging the bottle close as he stumbled into the master room. Keith’s clothes were still on the floor, which only made Lance cry harder. He set the bottle down on the bed so he could unbutton his shirt, letting it fall onto the carpet silently. Settling on Keith’s old Garrison hoodie, Lance dropped onto the bed and groaned loudly. 

 

Thinking and feeling took up too much energy. Time was slower than usual and life didn’t feel quite real. The only thing that felt real to Lance was the jacket and the smell of them on the blankets. He curled his hand around the sheets and squeezed, sobs wracking his body pitifully. He slowly lifted himself into a sitting position and moved back until he was pressed against the smooth wall. Unscrewing the cap off the bottle, he leaned back and chugged the most he could without coughing. 

 

This went on for an hour, until the bottle was gone and so was Lance. He kept falling forward, mumbling and drooling on the bed. Their bed. 

 

“Everything was ours,” Lance shouted, smacking the sheets. “Now it’s not… not… even…. Mine.” He tried to get up but failed miserably. Eventually he managed to stand shakily and reach for the vase that held pink carnations on the dresser. He distinctly remembered Keith bringing them home from his family’s flower shop and blushing as he shoved them in Lance’s direction. Lance felt like he was walking on air in that moment, but as he stood, drunk off his ass, staring at the glass and the colorful petals, he felt angry. 

 

“Why the fuck did this happen to me?” He yelled, grabbing the vase clumsily and chucking it at the wall with all his might. “I don’t deserve this!” He took pieces of shattered glass and threw them at the wall again. “I love him so fucking much! Why?” Lance picked up as many petals as he could hold in his fist and squeezed them, water oozing out onto the carpet. He let the shredded petals fall after. “I can’t- I don’t want to- I… I-” He let out a scream that probably scared the shit out of his neighbors, but he didn’t care.

 

Falling to his knees in the chaos he made, he felt sadness suffocating his chest again. Lance heaved out sobs until his couldn’t feel the shards of glass slicing into his skin and the overwhelming loss of something you just could not replace. 

 

-

 

“I’m thinking of moving away,” Keith casually brought up, setting a set of cards down against the table. Shiro and Allura looked at him like he’d grown three heads. “What? I still have my skill set and I called VLD the other day.” Keith paused shuffling through his hand. “They’ve offered me a job in New York.”

 

“Keith you can’t just…” Allura began but trailed off like she couldn’t find the right words. 

 

“Run away from your problems,” Shiro supplied, spreading the cards in his hand out into a fan. “Give it time.”

 

“You keep saying that but I don’t think you understand,” Keith snapped, then flinched. “I’m sorry guys, this is just…” He looked out the bay window that protruded right in the middle of their dining room. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be fully restored.” He looked back at them. Allura had a calm look on her face as she set down the rest of her cards and held her hands out. Shiro and Keith sighed and handed her their cards.

 

Allura smiled. “Keith, sometimes in life, we are blinded by emotions and frustrations. And sometimes, we need to listen to people, even if we don’t want to.” She met his eyes directly and tilted her head. “But sometimes… we know what’s best for ourselves.”

 

“Allura,” Shiro sputtered, “you can’t possibly-”

 

“Shiro,” Allura cut in, “I believe that Keith can think and decide things for himself. I don’t at all agree with his solution, but it is his answer that he’s looking for, not mine.” 

 

“Thank you,” Keith said quietly. Everything was silent except for the smacking of cards against each other as Allura shuffled the deck with inhuman grace. Keith turned back to the window that looked right out West at the sunset. Warm oranges and pinks rolled out like a blanket over the clouds. Something about the sight sent a wave of relief through Keith’s body. His shoulder sagged and he let out a soft sigh. 

 

“I don’t want you to leave,” Shiro suddenly said quietly. “I just got you back from possibly the most terrifying thing that could happen to me; you getting hurt. I finally see you start to heal and now you want to go away again. You’re my little brother, Keith, I care about you, but it scares me to know that what I say isn’t something you listen to anymore.”

 

“You’ll always be my brother,” said Keith. “I’ll always listen to you because I know you’re smart, but sometimes I have to learn and do things my way. Right now, I think that moving away for a  little bit is best. Maybe things will work out and get better or maybe they’ll get worse. But that’s kinda the point of life, don’t you think?” He accepted his cards and tapped them against the table. Licking his lips he said, “Trial and error.”

 

“I’m so proud of you Keith,” Allura told him, beaming. “I think that you should do what will make you the happiest and advance you further in life.”

 

Shiro opened and closed his mouth a few times before realizing the logic and settling on, “Whatever you do, I’m there to support you.”

 

“Thank you two so much,” Keith said earnestly. “I can’t… just, thank you. For everything.”

 

Allura placed a soft hand on his arm. “You’re family,” she said, like that settled everything. And in a sense, Keith thought, maybe it did. Looking back to Shiro, he searched for something in his brother’s eyes, not quite sure what exactly he was looking for. After a moment, he got it. Guilt.

 

“This isn’t your fault,” he whispered, setting his hand of cards facedown. “I think I’m going to take a nap.” The chair made a screeching sound as he stood up, stretching an arm behind his head. “Sorry for messing up the round.”

 

“It’s okay,” Shiro laughed. “We all know Allura won.” Allura let out a chuckle, standing up as well, leaning over to kiss her husband before walking over to the kitchen. She pulled out a circular tin from the fridge and walked back to Keith.

 

Presenting the tin to him, she said, “I made your favorite. Have some before your nap.” She winked and sat back down with Shiro before making a shooing gesture at Keith with her hands. He smiled in thanks and wandered over to the kitchen to grab a spoon. Pandering down the hallway and into his room felt like eons. 

 

Once he made it to his bed he peeled the foil on the tin and grinned. A perfectly smooth key lime pie, garnished with a small mint leaf stared back at him. He leaned back and dug in, trying to forget everything but the sour taste on his tongue. But the thoughts came back because they felt just as sharp.

  
  


-

  
  


“In conclusion, the topic of epigenetics is spreading quicker than scientists predicted, rushing on research and investigation. Is this going to stay true to the previous nature versus nurture argument, or are we delving into new and uncharted waters? All we can do is wait and see.” Lance signed his name off using his pen before folding the papers up and stuffing them into an envelope. “You go Lance,” he muttered to himself, licking the adhesive. “Trying new magazines and topics like a big kid.”

 

“Hunk, is he talking to himself again?” Pidge called from the barstool they were sitting on, sipping a cherry coke. 

 

“I think he is,” Hunk replied from the couch. “Lance, buddy, take a break.”

 

Lance whipped around, dark purple bags surrounding his bloodshot eyes and a crazy grin on his face. His eye twitched. “I’m getting work done.”

 

“Lance, I think you need to take a-”

 

Lance cut Pidge off with a, “Nope. Gotta work… gotta write,” he murmured turning back around in his desk chair. “Work, work, work.”

 

Pidge dropped off the stool and walked over to Lance, putting their hands on the back of his chair and ducking down over his shoulder. “Lance, you look like you’re dead.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Lance said cheerfully, “I feel dead too.”

 

Pidge winced. “Lance, my man, you’re not okay. Would you like some water?”

 

Lance licked his cracked lips. “No thank you,” he croaked. “I need to write, write, write.”

 

“When was the last time you slept?” Pidge asked gently. 

 

“Three days ago?” Lance asked to himself before nodding. “Yes, three days.”

 

“Maybe you should go take a nap then,” they said quietly, patting his cheek. “No, you  _ need  _ to go take a nap.”

 

“Pidge, my buddy,” he said. “I can’t sleep anymore. Not alone. Not in our bed.”

 

“Do you want to go into the guest room?” Pidge suggested, resting a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

 

He shook his head. “No. I won’t.”

 

“Lance,” their voice took on a pleading tone, “you’re killing yourself.” 

 

Lance turned around and looked them dead in the eye before whispering, “Good.”

  
  


-

  
  


Keith bounced on his heels as he rode the elevator alone, watching the foyer of the apartment building pass quickly through the glass walls. Nervousness pooled in the bottom of his stomach. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, maybe he would just mess things up even more. But he had to know. And he had to say goodbye. 

 

Once he reached the fifth level, he exited the small space into the simple yet elegant hallway. The apartment Shiro gave him was the second on the right. The wooden door shouldn’t have looked as intimidating as it did, but it loomed in front of him like the high dive at the public pool, his first day of high school, like the height of his father with a disappointed look on his face.

 

Keith was just about to know when he noticed a little plaque to the right of the doorframe that read  _ Keith and Lance.  _ Someone had taken a marker and drawn a crude smiley face next to the names, making Keith choke on a little laugh before realizing what that meant. Just roommates didn’t have little signs like this next to their doors.

 

Keith was right; they were something much, much more. And just what that was, Keith didn’t know. 

 

He finally worked up enough courage to knock on the door, subconsciously tapping a message out in Morse code until he realized he was spelling out ‘I love you’. He pulled his hand back to his chest and stared at the door in horror. What the fuck? 

 

As soon as he stopped knocking, he heard bumping and crashing within the apartment, gradually getting louder until he heard the lock pop open and the door was being whipped open violently. Lance stood before him, but it wasn’t the Lance he’d met those few times. He looked like he had just risen from the dead, and it made Keith feel like sobbing. He then remembered what he was there for. 

 

“Hey-” Lance began before Keith yanked the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a fierce kiss. Lance jumped a little in surprise, but immediately melted into it, threading his fingers in Keith’s hair. The movement felt new but at the same time, it was like it happened all the time. Keith wrapped his arms around Lance’s waist and squeezed, kissing him harder, searching for it, for anything. 

 

A feeling, deep in his chest, pounded until he could feel it in his throat. His mind swirled as he was hit with a hard rush of emotion and images flashing in his mind. It became too much and he pulled away gasping. 

 

Then everything went away.

 

“No,” Keith whispered, not even bothering to catch his breath before pulling Lance back in for another kiss. Lance again complied completely. The rush came back and Keith was so close… just a little further… 

 

He pulled away again and growled, “Goddamn it.  _ Goddamn  _ it!”

 

“Keith, are you- do you…” Lance stumbled backwards as Keith yanked him into another kiss, seeking that warmth again, just to get a taste of freedom once more. But it was gone, a trail gone cold and Keith had to let go. He pulled away and backed out through the doorway. 

 

“I’m- I’m so sorry…” he mumbled, holding his hands to his chest. 

 

The look on Lance’s face shattered him. “Did you… remember?”

 

“I thought… I was so close!” Keith shouted, gritting his teeth together. “I could feel it, I knew what I was- what we were.”

 

Lance’s eyes widened. “You remember! You remember me, oh my god, Keith.” He practically lunged forward and kissed Keith again, hard. 

 

Keith felt empty as he shoved Lance away, staring at the other man with wild eyes. “I’m sorry Lance, I just don’t know you.”

 

“But-”

 

“I’m leaving,” Keith said curtly. “I’m going to New York.”

 

“But Keith-”

 

“No!” Keith yelled. “I’m sorry for barging in and just kissing you like that, but I thought it would help me remember, but I didn’t Lance, I didn’t. I thought I did for just a moment, but Lance… you’re completely foreign to me.” He inhaled sharply. “This is goodbye.”

 

“Keith,” Lance managed to sob, almost reaching out to touch Keith but held his arm back. 

 

Keith placed one hand on the doorframe and gave him a pitiful smile. “Farewell, stranger.”

 

And he left.  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be set a year after all this went down and then there will be a companion piece/sequel thing seperately but part of the same story.  
> Again, forgive me.


	5. I Know You Won't Regret It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year in the future, Keith Kogane, a well-known scientist, is invited to come speak before an audience of dreamers, including his brand new fiance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it, guys. Thanks for sticking around for so long.

One year later…

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, Keith Kogane!”

 

The audience, a mix of physicists and reporters alike, all clapped and cheered in approval as Keith approached the podium with a large grin. He waited a moment for them to calm down before speaking. 

 

“It is an honor to be here,” he began. “I honestly never thought that I would find myself in front of most of my idols talking about  _ my  _ work. This all feels so surreal, but I’m so glad to stand before you today and have the ability to share with you the knowledge I have accumulated throughout my research. I was asked to talk here today about my journey, how I came to be the scientist I am today, and what influenced me the most. 

 

“It all started when I thought it was ending. An accident about a year ago almost took my life, and did take my memories. It took time, patience, courage and family to recover as much as I could.” Keith paused for a moment, looking out across the sea of people before continuing. “Some things never came back, and maybe they won’t ever resurface, but I am perfectly content with what I was able to keep.

 

“I was extremely lucky to hold onto my schooling and knowledge, which is why I’m still able to stand before you today and speak to this amazing crowd.” The people clapped and cheered again. “Going through the trauma, I learned so much. I had to sacrifice so much, but I took a chance on VLD and look where it got me. 

 

“I will never not be amazed by the way we’re able to live. Allow me to elaborate.” He switched on the mic strapped to his cheek and began to pace across the stage. “We, as the human race, have come far. We’ve developed a myriad of languages, we’ve learned strategies and tactics to fight each other over things that we all created, and we’ve learned how to  _ survive _ .

 

“There’s so much we have learned, but there’s so much more out there, and we all have the potential to reach out and grasp it just as we have in the past. There are oceans of knowledge that we haven’t even touched yet.” Keith held his hands out, palms up. “Here’s what we know now, it sits here in my palm and it doesn’t move.” He waved the other hand in a dramatic manner, pulling a few laughs from the crowd. “This is what we have the capability to discover.

 

“So you tell me, are you someone who sits with a stationary and flat mind?” He stopped and looked out, a passionate look on his face. “Or do you join the search for proficiency, the movement to develop as we have in the past, and further our ability to live? Tell me, what are you going to do today? Are you going to run away,” he said, his voice echoing. “Or are you going to  _ live _ ?”

 

The audience clapped so loudly, he felt his ears pop. “That’s what I like to hear. Let me tell you a secret;” he lowered his voice, “I was close to defeat after my accident, so ready to give up and run. But after I ran, I realized something. Why was I running? Did anyone ever get anything done by running? You know where running gets you? Nowhere.

 

“But strolling through life allows you to live freely; allows you to find things you love and hold them and keep them.” Keith paused, getting slightly emotional before pushing forward. “I lost someone very important to me, and I made a mistake. But what made me different, is I eventually got him back.” Keith’s eyes met Lance’s from the back of the dinner hall. His fiance was smiling so proudly. “We learned each other again.

 

“I took a chance to start over and fall in love all over again. That’s what I want you to do today, tomorrow and forever. Keep moving forward, take chances, don’t hide, be proud to be what you’ve allowed yourself to become. Go out and change the world because if you don’t-” Keith looked back to the audience and smiled, “- who will?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT THE END BUT  
> I hope you liked this and I can't wait to start working on the companion piece.

**Author's Note:**

> The whole topic of this story was inspired by the song Alibis by Marianas Trench so the chapter titles will be lyrics from that song. It's an amazing song honestly just wow but yeah this will update once a week for like a month since it's not a terribly long story but it'll hurt. Be prepared for pain. This is the shortest chapter by far
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skxzHroe4Tw


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